Thursday, June 7, 2012

He Remembers (A Song)

 A couple of weeks ago, a friend informed me that a dman from my past came into her work. The years had caught up to him: he was balding; he looked like his true self, a creepy pedophile. She explained that the entire time he was in the store, he acted like a cocky prick. She had already had a bad day and now this guy was here. He walked up to her register, and she said, "Grover, right?"
"Yeah! How'd you know?"
"I went to Orem Junior High."
"Oh, cool!"
"I'm Neioh's best friend."
His face turned pale like he saw a ghost, and he said, "Oh."

He knew, he knew!, this wasn't about to be a friendly conversation. He acted horrified when my name was brought up. I feel so vindicated knowing that all his years have caught up to him physically and mentally. I'm sure he hasn't paid half of what he should pay, and I'm sure he's still a mega creep. But he remembered me, and he knew he'd done wrong.

I wrote this song back in high school after having finally left the grips of him. Now even more so, this song feels incredibly appropriate.


I cut out the words that you gave to me.
Arrange them in a sentence that sets me free.
I'm sorry that it's over,
That you were unhappy.
I know you need a new victim
Every year to get you by.
And I think it's lame you use people
To get yourself up high.

I know what's done is done,
And I'm done with this all.
But I still have words to say,
And I'm gonna say them all.

I know nothing really matters
If nothing matters to you.
But what do you suggest I do?
'Cause it doesn't really matter,
No, it doesn't really matter
To you.

And I wish you would've told me
The lies you would say.
And I wish I would've listened
When they said, "Hutch, just run away."
And I wish a lot of things that'll never come
To pass.
And I'm sick of all this talk of putting off the natural man.

I know you don't care who I've become
Or who I'm yet to be.
And I know you'll never change,
And for that, I'm sorry.

Why'd you tell me that you loved me
Then make fun of me with your so-called friends?
You dress up to be used
Thinking you're using them.

Well I'm done, and I'm tired.
I haven't slept in weeks.
And I'll never say what I need to say
'Til it's done, I won't sleep a wink.

It was such a waste of time thinking,
It was me.
Just to find out four years later,
It is you who is lonely.

I'm not a hundred percent sure this post will sound eloquent. Whenever I've written about Grover, I've done it nameless and shameful. But this episode means a lot to me, and I want to remember this. With that, I've decided this man deserves to be on blast, and I don't deserve to be shamed for still feeling intense emotions towards the situation. So go read more: here, here, here, and here.

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