Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I Want My Brother Back (Song)

I've been wanting to put this song up for a long while now, and I figured I can't do so without explaining the song first. I love explaining my songs. I'm such an amazing person. No, really, I mean it. I am.

So, the song is called "I Want My Brother Back." I wrote it in my senior year of high school when my brother, who is five years older than me, went to jail for the first time. He went to jail for drug use, and my father was unfortunately the one who had to press charges against him.

I was walking out of school for the day, and my friend (Chantel) and I were walking to my car. As we walked past where I had thought I parked it, I assumed I parked it a bit further and Chantel thought I had left the campus for lunch and parked elsewhere when I came back. We kept walking without saying a word to each other. When we had gotten near the end of the row, we looked at each other and asked together where the car was.

Having had an intervention with the family earlier in the week, where my brother had his car keys taken away, my shoulders slumped and I knew the car had been taken. I was heartbroken and so pissed off. I asked Chantel to turn around with me and go talk to the school's police officer.

We went and reported the car stolen. He informed me that if we reported it stolen, when it was found, the person in the car would be held at gunpoint. He asked if I was sure I wanted to do that to a person if it was just a friend playing a prank. I stated I knew who it was, and that I definitely wanted that individual pulled over at gunpoint. Give the little prick a scare, I thought.

He asked where the car had been parked that morning, and he turned on the parking lot camera. He jiggled the view til I saw that my car was in the stall I had parked it in. I thought this was an old video and said, "Yeah, that's my car right there." Then I saw the door open, assumed it'd be me getting out of the car, and it was my brother. The video was live and sure enough, my brother had stolen the car. Up to that point, I felt I had never experienced such betrayal. The officer went after him and asked him why he had taken the car. My brother said he needed the car for a job interview. I told the officer he was a liar and never should've let him go.

He told me to go home, and he said he'd call my dad and talk to him about the car being stolen. I drove past my brother on the way home, leaving him behind to walk, with the feelings of extreme hatred towards him that I had been feeling since I found out about his drug problem.

In the time it took me to drop off my friend and get home, my father had told the officer he wanted to press charges and to go search him for drugs. When the drugs were found, he was carted off to jail. I was so done with him. My brother was dead to me and rotting in jail.

Then the worst part of all came, I had to go visit him in jail. I was terrified. Walking into the visitor entrance, I was holding both of my parents hands, hiding behind them, ready to run at any point. We walked through the metal detector, gave our ID's, and headed to the waiting room. I wanted to puke. I was so incredibly nervous and petrified.

They let our visiting group through the doors, and my parents and I held hands and walked down the long hall together. I don't remember the order of who took the phone first and which parent sat back in the other chairs lining the hall with me while I buried my head in their shoulder. Eventually, it was my turn.

I reluctantly walked up to the window and picked up the phone. We sat there exchanging shallow pleasantries as my voice and body shook and I refused to look at him. After a couple of minutes, he asked me to look at him. I looked up and began to cry. I told him I didn't want to do this. Hung up the phone and walked away, asking one of my parents to take my turn.

My mother had a second turn as I cried in my father's arms. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but my heart had broken. I couldn't lie and say I didn't care. I did. He was my brother after all. I wrote this song after that experience. I hope you enjoy it.

Sorry for the quality of sound.

Here are the lyrics:

It's been a long road,
And I think it's time for you to come home now.
I never thought I'd say it,
But I miss you
Somehow. 
I wanted to hate you,
As much, as I could.
But I love you,
Like a good friend, would. 
I'm sorry we're at where we're at
Right now.
And I'd like to help you fix you up somehow. 
Maybe today will change the tide.
Maybe tonight you will win the fight.
Maybe today you can make things right.
Maybe tonight we'll win the fight together. 
I'd like to sit in the corner of your room and watch movies with you.
I'd like to break your Nintendo 64 when I lose.
I'd like to bring your blow gun to Sounds EZ and get kicked out.
I'd like you to play dead on April Fool's
And years later, I'll tell you I never fell for it.
Let's keep making good memories that stick. 
Maybe today will change the tide.
Maybe tonight you will win the fight.
Maybe today you can make things right.
Maybe tonight we'll win the fight together. 
Maybe today will change the tide.
Maybe tonight you will win the fight.
Maybe today you can make things right.
Maybe tonight we'll win the fight together.



Now, I don't want my brother to see this. It's been a few years since this all went down, and I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me talking about it. He says he's recovered, and I don't think a recovering drug addict would appreciate you bringing up the past. At least, I know he wouldn't. I'm still not close to my brother, so it won't be hard to keep this from him. But if you know him, don't share this with him. Please and thank you.

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