Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Cover

I have this remarkable way of holding onto the past. I seem to get caught up in the idea that no one has and ever will experience the heartache and betrayal that I have. I get so mad and so stuck in a rut.  I created this playlist a while ago called "Getting Over You." I wanted to create this playlist in order to avoid self-loathing and pity. It was twelve self-empowering, fuck you songs. I decided to cover "I'm Sorry, Baby, But You Can't Stand in My Light Anymore" by Bob Mould. Here's the original.

"I'm sorry, baby, but you can't stand in my light anymore.
You're moving back to the shadows.
I can't fight this anymore.


I let you get up close to me.
I let you feel the warm and the calm.
But you resisted, it took me time to notice.
But now I see the shadows as they fall.


I'm sorry, baby, but you can't stand in my light anymore."

On another note, I wanted to do a cover like Ruthie does covers, but I'm not that cool. In fact, now instead of being stuck on the past, I'm stuck on the fact that I can't do covers. I think I do write some pretty awesome songs on my own. I'll post some of those for redemption later.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I'm Engaged

I decided it was time this January. I wanted to propose on the day of our two year anniversary on February 17th, but our schedules got screwed up. I wasn't able to make it happen. I still had her try on her ring, and it didn't fit. We sent it back, and then I got it back March 10th.

So I bought all the supplies I'd need to propose to her the way I had planned at home. Neither of us wanted anything public. I still had no idea when I was going to do it, but I was kind of ready. Friday, March 16th, Shelley's mom explains that she's going to one of her church events and wouldn't be back til later. I told her to stay out as late as she could, and I got busy throwing everything together. I had an hour and a half to decorate the stairs, hallway, and bedroom with rose petals, heart sayings, and the 96 mini candles I bought.

Shelley called saying that she was off of work and on her way home. I got super flustered since I hadn't come up with a way to keep her out longer without frustrating her. I had nothing, no excuse. I wasn't done. She needed to stay out, but I didn't know what to say.

"I'm on my way home."
"Don't...just don't even...Ahh, just...okay, cool. I need to go!"

I haphazardly finished the rest of the decorating. She came home, and I had to beg her to stay downstairs. I would take her to dinner in a bit, but I had some private things I needed to do upstairs. Except it didn't come out like that because I thought she knew what was going on. So it was more:

"Hey honey, are we going to dinner?"
"No! Just sit down. Just...stop it. Don't even think."

I told her to not think because I know that a) I have no poker face and b) she can read right through it. Anytime I try to keep a surprise from her, a certain behavior overtakes me, and she guesses what's going on. So, don't even think. Stop thinking about what I might be up to because she's probably right.

I went upstairs and had to light 96 candles. Not sure if you've ever tried that amazing feat, but I was sweating and in a panic.

I kept shouting down the stairs, "do you know what I'm doing?"

At one point, I told her I was doing a home remedy treatment for hemorrhoids. Super romantic, I know.

She responds, "Why?" 
"I'm trying to embrace my inner hippie."
"Do you have one of those?"
" Just give me a minute!"

She claims that she was wondering if I was getting ready to propose. When I came up with that excuse, she was thrown off my scent.

So I finally finish, go into the bedroom, close the door, and ask her to come upstairs. She comes up the stairs where there's hearts hanging (and on the ground) of reasons why I love her, along with the rose petals and candles. I hear "ooh's" but mostly "ahh's." She opens the door and the ring is sitting inside a heart made of rose petals on the bed.

"What's this?"
"Do you want me to get on my knee?"
"What's this?"
"I'm not getting on my knee."
"Hug me."
"Shelley, will you marry me?"
"Put it on. Put it on."

She swoons for a while. We throw the mess from the hall and stairs into the bedroom so the dogs can come out. We leave for dinner at Famous Dave's. We chowed down, ran some errands, came home and went to bed. It wasn't even sort of the romantic night I had planned, but it was perfect for us.

Sorry for how long this is, how scatter brained, and the terrible use of punctuation.

Here are pics.

 The stairs leading up to the bedroom.

View of the loving hearts hanging


Dresser with candles

The bed of roses, Morrissey looking on with approval.

A little closer

Stolen from this song "Where have you been, darling?" on the floor right before the door.

  "We've been holding this moment for you." on the door.

Also, the exciting thing about our engagement date of March 16th is that that was the day we met in real life. So the date still had some meaning. Yay.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I Died!

I love Morrissey so much. He's my idol, and I just can never express enough what he means to me. Oh my goodness, he means everything. My friend just posted this on FB, and I died! How sick.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Be Nice!

The more I learn about myself, the more I realize certain traits are here to stay. I am driven by emotions; empathy and sympathy. If you can make me feel for you, I will follow you anywhere. Nothing gets my feathers ruffled like the story of an underdog. I see a person in need of help, and I feel it's my responsibility to give it. I get so enraged by mistreatment, especially to anyone who can't defend themselves. And today, I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take it!