Sunday, November 20, 2011

Dear Lee: Epiphany

Hey Lee,

I'm lying here in bed, and I finally had something just click. I've always known that when things got too overwhelming for me, I just stopped functioning but never known why. I avoid at all costs things that are too hard for me to face head on. When someone asks me too many questions that I can't answer, I shut down. I think it's fairly normal to not function well under pressure, but for me, it's an everlasting feeling. You've ruined that moment. You've ruined whatever that thing was for me. I won't want to revisit that thing that pressured me ever again.

So, my epiphany is: when push comes to shove, I just lay down.

And that's all I've "epiphanized" because, you know, thinking more about this is far too much pressure.

Miss your dialogue, Lee.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The R-Knot

Do not go see Contagion. It's just an incredibly bad idea if you're a hypochondriac like me.

I actually really hate describing things, so here is a synopsis taken off of IMDb:

"Soon after her return from a business trip to Hong Kong, Beth Emhoff dies from what is a flu or some other type of infection. Her young son dies a few days later. Her husband Mitch however seems immune. Thus begins the spread of a deadly infection. For doctors and administrators at the U.S. Center for Disease Control, several days pass before anyone realizes the extent or gravity of this new infection. They must first identify the type of virus in question and then find a means of combating it, a process that will likely take several months. As the contagion spreads to millions of people worldwide, societal order begins to break down as people panic."

I totally thought from the trailer that this was another run of the mill zombie/virus movie. And a fool I am for thinking that. Watching the trailer makes me cough! This movie will screw with your head. As was being said in the trailer, they stress the way people touch their faces and touch everything and how disease spreads like wildfire. So as if watching this movie didn't make me feel insecure enough, I had to come to work this week with everyone being sick. It's freaking me out. I'm pretty sure I'm just convincing myself I have symptoms I don't have. At least, let's hope. Seriously, don't watch Contagion.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Massage Time

Shelley has gone to the same masseuse since I've known her, and this woman has been more of a therapist for her than a body rubber. (Really, how should I have said that better?) Shelley rants and raves about how wonderful she is and how much I need to go in; how it would really do me good; how I really could use something like this. After several reluctant "I don't know's" from me, Shelley did what anyone else in my life would have done and finally just scheduled me an appointment this last weekend then told me I had a massage appointment at such and such a time. I swear this is always how these things go.

"Hutch, you will not regret getting involved in this great, wonderful thing. What do you think?"
"I don't know." (Which means, "I totally want to, but it's a bit out of my comfort zone. Read between the lines and help me work through this anxiety.")
"C'mon, just do it."
"Yeah...maybe..." ("If you'd pick up on my hints, we could be doing this thing already.")

So many inquiries later:
"I don't know what you're scared of. I'm making you do it."
"Okay," said solemnly, meant excitedly.

Perhaps it's time to take control of my own life and stop waiting for people to help me adventure outside of my comfort zone. I wasn't always this way.

Anyway, as advertised, it was wonderful. I found out some things about the pain I experience and how I can better the situation without ruining my stomach with too much Tylenol and ibuprofen. I also found out that I'm drowning my body. I drink twice what's recommended for my body size in water. Seriously, I thought I had something to be proud of for the water I drink. Whoops.

Here's to health:

Saturday, November 12, 2011

That's What You Missed On...

"If I Could Talk to LEE." Oh man, I did not plan that. And you only got it if you watch Glee.

Anyway, I've been lacking on my posting, so here I am to catch you all up.

-I went to Utah to visit family and friends as well.
-I got new glasses while there.
-My mother sent me home in her car. I flew out to Utah and drove back to C.O. in my mom's old car, my new car. It's name is Eldon (meaning "elder servant.")
-I got Shelley into Glee, and while fighting the desire to like it as well, decided I liked it. Ugh.
-I lost my dear friend at work. She's moving to Virginia, and my heart feels empty. Work sucks worse now.
-I started a new job hunt. Work sucks bad now.