Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Death

A dear friend of mine (an obscured relative of sorts) that I happily adopted into my circle of family passed away last night. He died of some sort of cancer, and from what his caretakers have said, he died peacefully. It seemed to come at a time when the news was needed least of all. Shelley and I were already dealing with a sort of trauma at the moment when I read up on his death on Facebook.

Isn't that odd? Two sources informed me of his death on Facebook. It's a fantastic communication tool, and it seems you don't realize how much you use it until that is your source of primary news not only for personal things but for around the world as well.

Was it impersonal? That's just the thing, I didn't know him that well. I knew that he was a great listener, and I knew that of the one time we spent together I very much enjoyed his company enough to nap on his lap. That's trusting. He was a trustworthy man.

I write this because I think I need to write this. As a guy who still hasn't really chosen to deal with his grandmother's death (been four years), I hope this is me dealing with Sunny's. I don't know how to cope. I have definitely gotten used to the idea that my grandma is not around and hasn't been around for a while and that's okay; and just the same, Sunny lived in Portland and it won't take much getting used to (his goneness). So the question begs, what happens when someone I spend all my time with dies? I plan on it not happening, but it's going to. And, hopefully I'll have learned an effective method of coping with death by then because I haven't yet left denial--til I see a dead body then it's back to denial.

He will be missed. Peace to you from my heart, from my heart to your heart...*

*Sunny sings goodbye

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A Continuance

I'm finally getting around to finishing the blog I started writing a bit ago. I haven't felt the way I'm about to write for a few weeks, so it'll be a bit hard to write on a topic I can't quite grasp. Bear with me. I'm writing this per request. You know who you are...

At times I think I'm better at being miserable than I am at simply being content. I talked to two different friends from Utah today who I haven't talked to in a while. They seemed to have so much to say while I had hardly anything to report. My life is so drama-free. My life is simple. I really can just be. I go to work, I come home and hang out with Shelley, and go to bed. I know certain people won't believe it, but I'm totally fine being this way. I have learned to just be.

And then there are times when I start to reminisce on living in Price going to College of Eastern Utah (CEU), driving up to Salt Lake City every weekend to see you (Lee) and other friends, and run around spending money I didn't have. Dealing with all the consequences of living in an intensely small town to go to school where everyone knows your business and dealing with my parents' response to spending THEIR money that I didn't have was stressful.

I miss it. I often romanticize those times. Remembering only the fun parts and wishing I had all of those back. Then again, I think, "Remember how much that all sucked at the end of the day? Remember how often you cried yourself to sleep?" I think maybe I want all of that back. It's boring being so simple all the time. I like being sad. I like feeling so many emotions. Feeling so many emotions helps me write songs. Misery loves company, right? I hear it calling me sometimes. "Come be sad again, Hutch. Come fight against everything."

It's not for me, though. If I wanna do something a little extra, I just have to come up with the idea and ask Shelley to come do it with me. Things are great. I have a friend always by my side, a friend who I get along with always. I don't need misery.